From Princess to Porn Star…
Jetting around the world on global tours, dining in the top restaurants dressed in designer clothes, usually with a man on my arm. If young Shona could see me now, she might think that her dream to become a Princess had come true. But she would be mistaken because she became so much more than that. That Princess became a Porn Star. How does a girl with dreams of being a Princess realize they want to be a Porn Star? The answer, dear reader, lies in a sick day off school and a bunch of old VHS tapes.
Let's go back to the beginning. Kindergarten (don't worry, we won't stay here long). All my friends wanted to be Prima Ballerinas, Doctors, Vets, and Teachers. But I, brainwashed by Disney movies, wanted to be a Princess.
As I got older, I realized this wasn't the most realistic of dreams. Even upon learning that a cousin of my Mother's, a gorgeous top model, had ended up marrying into European Royalty. I figured surely lighting didn't strike twice. Plus, there weren't that many eligible Princes my age.
So, I went searching for a new dream. I was quite academic and enjoyed subjects like History, Biology and Psychology and constantly had my head in books. With high-achieving parents, the discussion of my continued study was constantly brought up at the dinner table. Though I tried to find interest in their fields of engineering or sport, it just didn't feel right. What I did have an interest in, though, was sex.
The first time I watched porn I was 12 years old. I still remember it vividly. I was sick at home with a fever, and my Mother asked me to watch and sort through a stack of VHS and label what was on them. We used to record a lot of stuff from cable TV. After a few episodes of various 90s shows, I slipped in one tape that was definitely NOT meant to be in the pile. Dad's porn. I was gripped. The first scene was quite romantic, just a man and woman having rather vanilla sex. It escalated quickly. The second scene involved five men with one woman in someone's back garden, and the third was two men with one woman in which they did anal and DP. I couldn't tear my eyes away.
I didn't say a word to my parents about it. But that moment changed me. I had been exploring my body and masturbating from quite a young age, but since this moment, I became fascinated with sex and porn. I was excited to lose my virginity and had so many questions. How would it really feel? Does every guy has big dick? Will it hurt? Does sex always last 40 minutes long? What is it like to have sex with a girl? Is it better with a girl? Is anal painful?
I eventually lost my virginity at age 15 to my first boyfriend. I started to understand more about how my body worked. But it wasn't anything like I'd seen in the movies. I wanted to know how I could live those fantasies on screen in real life. To meet beautiful women and have sex in mansions and on beaches.
Then at 18, I reconnected with an old classmate who told me she was working at a webcam studio. She'd go to an apartment after school where she chatted with guys over the computer, and if they wanted a private chat, she'd take off her clothes and touch herself. I thought that was the coolest and so naughty.
She took me to the studio to show me how it all worked. I sat in the corner of the room, off camera, while she did her thing. It seemed effortless and fun. A great way to make money. I was hooked.
Soon I started working there myself, though under a pseudonym and using a different girl's photograph. I worked there for a year secretly, but it wasn't as easy as I had thought. Some days were better than others, and I eventually decided to stop when I got bored with the lack of customers.
Meanwhile, I finished my studies, still unsure of what I wanted to do. I thought about taking a 'gap year' to travel and figure myself out, but my Mother insisted I go straight into university. Well, I was good at maths. So I applied for Engineering Management at the best university for its field and got in on a full scholarship. My parents were ecstatic. But, after three years of study, I was still unhappy with my choice. There was no way I could imagine myself in an office working 9-5. I felt trapped. Like I had wasted three years of my life on something I didn't want to do.
However, I had a lingering thought about something I wanted to do but had no idea how. Something that had been on my mind since I pressed play on that VHS. I wanted to do Porn.
Porn is strange. It is so normalized as something everyone watches, yet there is still so much stigma about the people who make it. I hadn't met anybody who was doing actual porn films at that time. My lightning moment came when a scout contacted me on Facebook to join their model agency. Of course, they didn't tell me it was for porn, but as soon as I arrived, it became crystal clear that was their intention. I was conflicted. I am from a middle-class family where most of my relatives are university educated. Shooting Porn was absolutely not acceptable. I also had no idea if I would actually like it. It felt like a big risk. Whether I had one video out there or one thousand, it only took one for family/friends/haters to see it and judge me. Even as a Hungarian woman living in a city where most of the porn in Europe is shot, it's still not widely accepted. If people knew I had done it, I could say goodbye to my backup plan of a white-collar job in an office.
In the end, I decided to "ride or die." I was never going to know if I didn't try. No matter how many mistakes I made, I never wanted to look back and think, 'what if?' So I summoned all my courage, took the leap, and started shooting. Turned out it was the best decision of my life! And that Princess? Well, now she's a fucking Porn Star.
