Why I had a Boob Job…
“Love yourself,” “Don’t need to change anything on your body,” “You are just confused.”
How many times have I heard these, even before my surgeries? They were not aimed at me back then. But unconsciously, these sentences always affected me.
What is a beauty standard, and what is subjective beauty? Who decides what you prefer on a person’s body? Can you love and accept yourself and still change your body? Are make-up, nails, aesthetic dentistry, tattoos, and piercings different from a nose job?
Consider these questions before I discuss my point of view. These questions went through my mind during the years of my growing up and self-development; answering them let me become who I am now and helped me be 100% sure about my decision.
When I first saw Angelina Jolie. Her perfect lips, cute, small nose, incredible cheekbones. I immediately fell in love. I loved to look at her face and admired every detail. The symmetry attracted me. Did it mean I hate myself? When you prefer a specific look, does it mean everything that’s different you loathe? I always preferred small, cute noses over bigger, more characteristic ones. Even so, I never had a problem looking in the mirror. I always loved what I saw (of course, I once was a teenager when nobody likes themselves, but other than that, I was fine with myself, haha)
As I mentioned before, these questions and thoughts circled in my mind many times. For many years.
When you have a cozy house, you still make changes. It’s totally lovable, and everybody compliments it. Still, you know there are certain things you could even love more. Do you change it if you can? Do you buy new decorations or get rid of a wall to have it more spacious?
When I first had the opportunity to have plastic surgery. (money and age) I went to consultation. I was in my early 20s. These statements and questions about cosmetic surgeries were getting louder and louder in my mind. Do I love myself? If yes, I wouldn’t change anything, right? I heard it an infinite amount of times. You only choose plastic surgery for cosmetic reasons when you hate yourself.
There was something else that also disturbed me. What’s gonna happen with my identity if I change my look? Am I not gonna be the daughter of my parents anymore? With a change in my facial features, I won’t have the same resemblance to my parents as I have now.
And what about who I am? I was born with this look. It must mean my body is me. Who am I gonna be if I alter anything on me?
I remembered how I wanted to have a belly button piercing at the age of 16… And just six months later, I didn’t want it and was so happy that I don’t have one.
So… I decided to postpone my surgery and try to answer the doubts.
Almost ten years passed after that consultation, and now I’m 30. I’ve never been happier in my life. Self-development, psychology, and health were always important in my life. I grew and experienced over the years. I chew on those beliefs and fears. Unlike the belly button piercing, the desire for a small nose and beautiful big round boobs didn’t go away. I still loved to look at symmetric faces and spectacular breasts. The answer to the question of whether I love myself was always yes. The identity crises I had also answered themselves. I’m not my body. I’m my parents’ child no matter what.
Finally, I felt like I wouldn’t have any regrets, and I know what I want. So I went under surgery. First, in May, I had my nose done. Honestly, I couldn’t be happier with the results.
And now I have the boobs I always admired. My twins are not healed yet, but I had the chance to look at them on my last visit. THEY ARE GORGEOUS.
And at last, let’s talk about business… In my early twenties, small boobs represented the young look. In porn, teen-look is a huge thing, but who doesn’t know it, haha.
Big, round breasts represent the mature woman, not just in porn, but in my opinion. I’m 30, I’m happy, and I never felt freer in my whole life. I loved my body, but now I feel like I gifted something from me to myself, what makes young Shona, 30 years old Shona, and older Shona happy and satisfied in more ways than I could ever imagine.
